If only denial wasn't such a bad thing...

I never realized how truth, light, and honesty can be so terrifying. Perhaps the fear is born out of the darkness in which you find yourself living. You can live in this place for so long that it gives itself and you a sense of normalcy. Then, without warning, something happens that awakens your heart and you know that you have been wrong the entire time. I have this pain in my stomach because I have taken the first step in banishing a certain negativity from my life. I feel like I'm at the start of a difficult journey that I need to take... but I fear I lack the strength to complete it. I want to complete it. The better half of my being knows what's right. To know better can allow shame to overtake you. I know better- but knowing and doing/living are two entirely different things. No one can escape their life without encountering challenges, trials, etc or without being tested in some way. All of these things plus the outcome make up a testimony. It seems I have found what is to be mine... if only I can survive the process of healing. Do you ever just feel wicked? I'm sorry. For my continued failure, I am sorry.