I know that it makes me sound stupid but I just realized within the past year that it is completely pointless to try and plan out your life. Maybe I haven't fully learned this lesson though seeing as how I still hold grand expectations for things in different areas of my life. Maybe I'll learn someday.

I miss my lady friends. I only saw Amy once in mid may, I may have seen Kim two or three times, and Cara didn't even come back to Longivew. I miss them. I really miss them. Especially Amy- the most loyal friend I have/will ever have. I just won't think about how much I miss them anymore right now because I'll be crying in the next 2 minutes.

I should probably get a job this semester.

I need to read more. I need to work out. Maybe physical activity will stop the self-hatred dead in its tracks. I'll go to the rec tomorrow morning. Perhaps I can start a routine and get in shape. I'd like to say that I want to get in shape to be healthy but that would just be a lie. I'd rather be hot. A hot, in shape, well read kind of lady. That sounds nice.

My nerves turn me into a bitch sometimes. I really hate that. I don't know why I am so mean to myself sometimes. I don't know why I think I deserve it.

I'm going home this weekend to see Elizabeth off. It's something that I am not really looking forward to and possibly the source of my bad/sad mood at the moment. I am selfish. Sometimes I just wish that I could hold on to all of the people that I love and never let them go. I want everyone to stop moving even if it's only for a little bit before they get too far away and can't come back. That can't happen so I'll get over it and stop devoting so much energy to unrealistic wishes.

Sometimes I laugh at the show Intervention. It's not something I'm proud of but it's true.