Lord, let me love it.

Please don't destroy my fondest childhood memories with a bunch of trendy nonsense.

If only denial wasn't such a bad thing...

I never realized how truth, light, and honesty can be so terrifying. Perhaps the fear is born out of the darkness in which you find yourself living. You can live in this place for so long that it gives itself and you a sense of normalcy. Then, without warning, something happens that awakens your heart and you know that you have been wrong the entire time. I have this pain in my stomach because I have taken the first step in banishing a certain negativity from my life. I feel like I'm at the start of a difficult journey that I need to take... but I fear I lack the strength to complete it. I want to complete it. The better half of my being knows what's right. To know better can allow shame to overtake you. I know better- but knowing and doing/living are two entirely different things. No one can escape their life without encountering challenges, trials, etc or without being tested in some way. All of these things plus the outcome make up a testimony. It seems I have found what is to be mine... if only I can survive the process of healing. Do you ever just feel wicked? I'm sorry. For my continued failure, I am sorry.

... and Christmas was beautiful.

This year marked a change in the familial Christmas celebrations. We met at a different place, ate different food, and celebrated with new family members. There has been a slow evolution with my family and the progression is most easily noted around the holidays- the one time of the year where most all members make time for one another. The concrete memories I have of my family which I came to collect in the formative years of my life (family members of the immediate and extended variety) are the standard by which I measure all other holidays gatherings. Each year is always a little different than the last. At one time I used to really frown upon changes etc but with maturity and age has come a personal resignation to except things for the way that they are. It is much easier to delight in the moment when your focus is on the way things are as opposed to the way you want them to be.

This holiday season I was almost moved to tears when I took time in the quiet moments to simply think about how much love I have for my family. It is impossible for me to image living a life without their pressence in my heart. I love you. I love you. I love You.

"No treasured possessions were endangered in this experiment."

Bears in space.

There are so many moments throughout the day when I wonder what is happening to me and where my feelings are going. I'll think to myself, "Gosh, you are starting to get so cynical about this life of yours. Knock it off!" But then I stumble upon a news story about Cambridge University launching four teddy bears into outer space and I start to feel all warm and fuzzy. That's a good thing.



All being done in an effort to foster children's interest in the space program, I couldn't help but think this to be one of the cutest things I've seen in quite a long time.

Well, not counting puppies and bf's, of course.

Closing thought: I like twinkle lights and cold, cold weather.

Pretty things.

I can't wait to one day have the means to buy myself the occasional pretty thing. If I currently had the appropriate means I would buy this pretty thing.



This solarise lamp shade makes me want a nice throw and a good book...maybe some hot chocolate tooooo.

I currently have 4-7 entries saved as drafts because I just can't seem to find the time to finish any of them and/or make them sound the way I want them to... perhaps over the holidays the time will be found? Lots of ideas and lots of commentary... just so little time.

Even so, this is what is on my mind right now-

This weeks lesson: What you have and what you do with a little is what you will do with quite a lot. If only I had the smarts to expound on that like Matt Chandler. I can't verbalize it like he did but I feel the meaning in my heart. Good enough.

There really isn't any preparation time for the person you hope to be/become... you are that person right now. Live for now... or as Gabriel's mom likes to say "be thankful for this moment for this moment is your life." She probably stole that from somewhere but I'll give her the credit anyhow.

Sometimes I am completely bowled over by the strangest food craving. I am currently having a craving for lavender and saffron ice cream...? But I've never had it before. How can I crave something that I have never ever had? I DON'T know... even though I've never had it I can still imagine what it must taste like. And I want some. Preferably now.

I have been living inside so many children's books this semester- living in the pictures and in the words. There really is nothing better than a classic children's story. I don't know that I like it for the memories it brings back to me or the hope of the memories I may receive in the future... (you know? when I'm reading those stories to my children)

Happy Thoughts

I'm about as deep as a puddle today and have nothing to offer but these few thoughts that I am going to deem worthy of an entry.

1. Trix is just Fruity Pebbles in puff form.

2. I can't wait to adopt my English bull terrier. I've been coming up with a list of possible names and they are as follows: Griswold, Rogen, Noodles, Nicholson, Marco, Frank. I'm partial to Noodles for some reason but who knows what name will fit? I'll just have to wait and see.

3. Sundays are my favorite day of the week. My schedule consists of the following: The Village, homework, nap, homework, Oriental Gardens to go, rec, homework, sleep.

4. I have been home once this semester and I probably won't return until the holidays. Tis sad. I need hugs from the mom and pops almost on a daily basis. Any ol' hug would do though!.. unless I think you're gross. Then you can't touch me.

5. I am concocting a new cookie recipe for the holidays. Peanut butter and white chocolate chunk cookies. I think they are going to be righteous.

6. Not to be superficial... but it is really neat loosing 65 lbs. and being half the size you were this time last year. A new winter coat is in order to celebrate. I fancy one from anthropologie so I guess I'll start saving now.

7. Loudon in Austin in 25 days :)